Being gone for 10 days in an almost foreign land (L.A.) made me super happy to be home. Back in Knoxville is exactly where I am supposed to be right now. The time we spent on the West Coast was fantastic... don't get me wrong. It was just one of the most tiring things I have done in a long time. I thought I would post a new blog at least every two days, but we just had NO time to do anything. Starting the day out at 7:30 a.m. and getting back to our hotel at 9:00 or 10:00 p.m. just exhausted me to no end. When Nathan and I got home yesterday we took a 5 hour nap, then got a 9 hour night of sleep. I am just trying to recoup for work tomorrow. woohoo But all the work was so worth it. We were able to hear the most amazing stories about love and how people MADE their marriages work even in the hardest of times. Nathan and I were forced to be vulnerable not only with each other but also with the camera. We asked people on the streets of L.A. questions about what they thought of commitment, vulnerability, and "true love". That was the easy part though... then we had to ask ourselves the same questions.
The project we are working on is all about what love is. We want to find out what people all over America think of Love. So far... we have gotten some crazy stuff. For some reason I was very disturbed by the answers we were getting by these random people. I should have known that we would get such negative responses, but instead I was heart broken for these people who have totally given up on love all together. Girls who were telling me that they had never been with anyone who hadn't cheated on them. Oh my gosh. Please just stomp on my heart. That was the saddest thing ever. I just wanted to hug them and tell them it was all going to be ok. But there were also those who had been married for 50 years and going strong. They had found that Rare Love that we are looking for and it made me so happy to listen to them and laugh and see the way they looked at each other even after all those years.
Sometimes I picture me and Nathan as an old couple. It is a fun thought. To know that he knows everything about me. To know that he still chooses me even after a really hard times in our relationship! I have learned an extreme amount in these past days. But I think the best part of the trip was figuring out that Nathan signed up for this journey FOR ME. Nathan truly wants to learn how to make this marriage work. He truly desires to be honest and real with me. We don't want to coast in our marriage. I want to be going deeper every day. Love is ... vulnerability. Love is dealing with your insecurities and not just letting them eat you up. Love is fighting for each other. I don't know how to love Nathan, but I sure am learning, and I think this is one of the best ways. To learn from other people. We do have our own thing... but this is such a fun season. Making our marriage ours to own.
All this to say. Doing a documentary on love will teach you a whole lot about love! haha. Seeing the realities of it. The hurt and the happiness it brings to all of human kind. It's scary but to run from it would be even scarier.